


kaleidoscope girl in the doorway (she's looking my way at times)

by ephemeraldt



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Future Fic, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 07:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19372351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemeraldt/pseuds/ephemeraldt
Summary: Chaeyoung gets a nose piercing, and Tzuyu thinks about things.





	kaleidoscope girl in the doorway (she's looking my way at times)

**Author's Note:**

> this is obviously inspired by chaeyoung's new tattoo. i had planned for it to be angstier but these two are just too soft. 
> 
> the story takes place around 3 years in the future. title is from I'll be Around by Yo La Tengo :)

Chaeyoung doesn’t break the news in person, just sends a selca to the groupchat with the caption “did a thing.” She doesn’t specify what the “thing” is, because it’s obvious. 

Well, the piercing itself isn’t obvious: it’s actually a very tasteful diamond, not big or gaudy or trashy looking. But the _act_ of Chaeyoung piercing her nose seems to jump through Tzuyu’s phone screen strong as a fist, loud as a siren.

“Is she _insane?”_ Nayeon asks, sitting up a little straighter on her side of the couch. The company only gave them six days between the CF filming and the start of new comeback promotions, so Tzuyu is staying in Korea, at Nayeon’s. Nayeon has a nice place, and even though all her neighbors are senior citizens and the pile of dishes in the sink never gets any smaller, Tzuyu likes it there. Probably because Nayeon knows how to give Tzuyu space while also pressuring her into a healthy amount of social interaction. 

Hardly any of them still stay at the dorms anymore. That clause in their contract was removed last year, the year Tzuyu turned 22. She remembers it because Chaeyoung had bought an apartment right away, not telling anyone until she was all the way moved in. _That_ news didn’t come through a groupchat, though; instead, Chaeyoung casually said “dinner at my place?” after a shoot, immediately prompting dramatics from Jeongyeon and Jihyo, who couldn’t believe _Chaeyoung_ was the first member to live alone. 

Tzuyu was always called the mature one in the press, while Chaeyoung was the baby. But Chaeyoung did things Tzuyu couldn’t think of doing, even as an adult. Like living alone. And getting a nose piercing.

“I’m calling her,” Nayeon says, probably realizing Tzuyu has no plans to answer the _is Chaeyoung insane_ question.

Almost immediately after Nayeon presses dial, Tzuyu gets a text from Chaeyoung.

_are u with nayeon_

Tzuyu types back, _Yes._

_is she mad? bc it’s really not a big deal, but also i’m not in the mood to explain myself rn_

Tzuyu can’t recall any time when Chaeyoung _had_ been in the mood to explain herself. But she ignores that part of the text for now. 

_I don’t think she’s mad. I think she’s worried about you, and what will happen when the company and the public finds out._

_that’s actually kind of sweet,_ comes Chaeyoung’s reply. _i’ll talk to her about it later. thanks tzu._

“She didn’t answer,” Nayeon says, tossing her phone onto the floor with far more force than necessary. “Insanity.”

Nayeon knows each of the members inside and out. She knows exactly what Momo will want at a restaurant without asking, she calls Jeongyeon’s parents on their anniversary, she finishes everyone’s sentences. 

But Nayeon is wrong about this. Chaeyoung piercing her nose isn’t insanity; it’s just Chaeyoung being Chaeyoung. The same Chaeyoung who never becomes less fascinating to Tzuyu, even though Tzuyu has known her for years.  

 

“So? What do you think?” 

They’re sitting in a green room, waiting to begin taping for one of the variety shows. Tzuyu doesn’t remember the exact name; they all kind of blend together. She’s never really liked filming variety shows. They always leave her feeling stiff and stunted, lacking the language and humor that seems to come so easily to everybody else. 

“Tzuyu? Did you hear me? I asked what you thought,” Chaeyoung says again, gesturing to her nose. The diamond glints in the light of the overhead fluorescents. 

Tzuyu knows what Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s answers would be: that the piercing was irresponsible and selfish. That the last thing they need before the comeback is more bad press. Mina’s brief hiatus and Jihyo’s almost-but-not-quite-a dating scandal a few months ago had left the gossip sites thirsty for blood. Chaeyoung’s piercing may be starting to heal, but the potential for infection was only starting to show.

Except Tzuyu isn’t Nayeon or Jeongyeon. Or Momo or Sana or Jihyo or Mina or Dahyun. She’s never been able to look down on Chaeyoung, except maybe physically. And even then, despite their massive height difference, she often feels dwarfed in comparison. 

“I like it,” Tzuyu says, and when she decides she’s telling the truth, her stomach flips like it would if she were standing on the top of a tall precipice and afraid of heights. Which she isn’t. Never has been.

“You like it?”

Tzuyu nods. “It looks good on you.”

The corners of Chaeyoung’s mouth quirk slightly, and Tzuyu thinks she might say something. But Chaeyoung just puts her headphones back over her ears instead. 

Chaeyoung barely participates in the variety show taping, and the hosts don’t address her or the piercing. Tzuyu wonders if the company made Chaeyoung sign some kind of contract to punish her for stepping out of line. She wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case. But Chaeyoung doesn’t seem particularly upset, and laughs at Sana trying to imitate boy group dance moves along with the rest of them. 

“That was fun,” Momo says once the taping ends and they’re all helping themselves to craft services. “Do you think the fans will like it?”

Jihyo nods firmly. Sales may not be what they used to be, but they’re still the nation’s girl group, after all.

“Tzuyu, you okay?”

Tzuyu turns around to see Chaeyoung taking a long sip from a glass of water. The stylist had put Tzuyu in heels for some reason, so their height difference feels even more dramatic than normal.

“I’m okay. Do I not look okay?” Tzuyu replies.

“You look fine,” Chaeyoung says. “But I was just wondering. Because you were staring at me throughout the whole taping.”

“I was?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Do you think people will notice?” Tzuyu asks, and she hates that that’s the first thought that comes out of her mouth, that she cares so much. As if the public’s opinion matters when it comes to how long or how much she feels like staring at Chaeyoung.

It’s her second nature, by now, to constantly expect the worst. 

Chaeyoung shrugs. “I guess we’ll wait and see. But if you’re wondering whether the company held a gun to my head and told me not to talk, don’t worry. They just said it would be a good idea if I lay low for a little bit. Avoid drawing attention to my scandalous nose.” 

“So they told you not to talk. There just wasn’t a gun involved,” Tzuyu says. 

‘’You could say that, I guess,” Chaeyoung says. She takes a moment to look Tzuyu up and down. “Hey, do you want to come over?”

“To your place?”

“Unless you’re busy.”

Tzuyu can’t remember the last time she was busy. She nods. 

 

It’s been a while since they hung out just the two of them. A while a while. Years.

Tzuyu can’t say why, although some part of her probably knows the answer. There was a time in their lives when they had been on equal footing, both trying to memorize dumb facts for history class in between voice and dance and the meals they were actually allowed to eat. They would sometimes break down together over the stress of it all, clinging to each other in Chaeyoung’s dorm room and repeating to themselves that everything would be okay, everything would be okay. Chaeyoung would show Tzuyu silly videos on the internet to make her laugh, and get both of their minds off a schedule that was more like a tightrope than anything stable or grounded.

But once they graduated and the girl group became their primary commitment, Chaeyoung seemed to bloom with an ease Tzuyu could barely understand, let alone emulate. It was probably because Tzuyu was foreign, always stuck searching for the right words while Chaeyoung made more new friends than Tzuyu could count in Korean. It didn’t feel like growing apart, since they were together all the time. But it was something like that. 

Chaeyoung’s walls are crowded with paintings and posters. Plants sit by the windows and hang from the kitchen ceiling in wicker baskets. There’s barely any furniture, which makes Tzuyu wonder how much time Chaeyoung actually spends in the apartment. 

It’s not as big as Nayeon’s place, but it’s in a much trendier part of Seoul - close to one of the universities, if Tzuyu remembers correctly. Looking out one of Chaeyoung’s huge picture windows, Tzuyu thinks it makes sense. Nayeon recharges by retreating into herself, while Chaeyoung prefers to get lost in noisiness and color and beautiful things. 

“Jihyo’s reaction was probably the worst,” Chaeyoung says, continuing the conversation they were having in the elevator. “Which I was kind of expecting, after what happened.”

The pictures that were leaked, of Jihyo in the car of some JYP solo singer, had been far from incriminating. There wasn’t anything between them anyway; Jihyo had just been helping him with the lyrics for one of the songs on his new album. But that hadn’t stopped the public from assuming the worst, dragging Jihyo’s name through the mud and bitterly reminding all nine of them that widespread adoration could turn to poison the minute one of them took the slightest step out of line. 

“She worries about you,” Tzuyu says. “They all do.”

Chaeyoung steps closer, so she’s standing next to Tzuyu by the window. “I know, and I’m not mad at them for that. I can’t be. It’s just frustrating, because it’s _my_ skin, and to me it’s _just_ my skin. It shouldn’t be a big deal.” 

 _But it is._ That’s the law of the world they live in. Everything is a big deal, everything has a ripple effect. Tzuyu learned that lesson when she was sixteen and the world came crashing down around her, all because of a prop she was handed during a media appearance that she barely thought twice about. 

“I didn’t think you’d be so cool about it,” Chaeyoung says. “The piercing, I mean.”

“Why not?” Tzuyu asks. She knows people think she’s uptight and judgmental, but she also hopes Chaeyoung knows her better than that. 

“I don’t know. I guess that’s not a fair thing for me to think, is it?”

“I guess not.”

“Would you ever get one?” Chaeyoung asks, tilting her head and looking up at Tzuyu curiously, like she’s trying to picture Tzuyu’s face dotted with diamonds. Tzuyu almost snorts at the question, but stops herself. 

“A piercing? No, I don’t think so.”

“Hmm,” Chaeyoung says, without breaking Tzuyu’s gaze. “What about a tattoo?”

“My parents don’t like tattoos. And could you imagine what the media would say? What the other members would say?” Nayeon would probably combust on the spot, and Jeongyeon and Jihyo would laugh until they realized this meant Tzuyu would be dragged into hell by the public _again._

“Okay, well putting aside what other people think,” Chaeyoung says. “Would you get one?”

 _Putting aside what other people think._ Tzuyu could laugh. She’s not Chaeyoung. She doesn’t just put aside what other people think, she isn’t sure if she’s physically able. 

But they’re alone in Chaeyoung’s apartment, high above the city, and Chaeyoung is looking at Tzuyu like she’s a puzzle she’s trying to figure out. So Tzuyu lets herself entertain the thought of ink under her skin, pictures running up and down her body.

In her mind, she looks like an imposter. “I don’t know if it would look good.”

“Are you kidding?” Chaeyoung says, face breaking out in a disbelieving grin. “You’re _you_. Of course it would look good. Here, I’ll show you.” She grabs Tzuyu by the wrist, dragging her to the middle of the living room. “Sit.”

“On the floor?”

“Yes. I’ll be right back.”

When Chaeyoung returns, she’s holding a ton of pillows in her arms, and balancing a small plastic box under her chain. Unceremoniously, she drops the pillows to the floor.

“What’s going on?” Tzuyu asks.

“I’m going to draw you a tattoo,” Chaeyoung says. “Not a real one, don’t worry.”

“Okay,” Tzuyu says, her stomach turning slightly. She likes the look in Chaeyoung’s eyes, full of fire and excitement. 

“Take your shirt off. You can lay on the pillows,” Chaeyoung says. “It’ll be easiest for me to draw on your back.”

Tzuyu clears her throat slightly, moving to unbutton her shirt as Chaeyoung opens the plastic box and lays out different kinds of pens. Tzuyu isn’t sure why she’s nervous; she’s changed in front of Chaeyoung plenty of times. There’s no reason for it to feel different now, with the two of them alone in the apartment. 

Tzuyu lies facing down on the pillows before Chaeyoung can look up. She feels air moving over her bare back as Chaeyoung finishes setting up her art supplies.

“This might tickle a little,” Chaeyoung warns, before brushing the tip of one of her pens over Tzuyu’s skin. Tzuyu jerks slightly. Chaeyoung laughs. “What did I just say?”

After a while, Tzuyu gets used to the unfamiliar sensation, allowing her muscles to relax. The two of them don’t talk, not that Tzuyu is surprised. Chaeyoung has a tendency to get swallowed up in her art, immune to everything but the canvas in front of her.

Tzuyu has seen Chaeyoung draw plenty of times. This is her first time being the canvas.

It’s about forty-five minutes before Chaeyoung taps the floor excitedly. “Done! Stay still. I’m gonna take a picture.”

As soon as she hears the phone camera click, Tzuyu sits up and pulls her shirt back on. She doesn’t look at Chaeyoung until the very top button is fastened. When she does, Chaeyoung is grinning, holding out a picture on her phone screen. 

“You drew a wolf on me?” Tzuyu exclaims. She’s surprised, although she doesn’t really know what she expected. The wolf is beautiful, though, unlike any picture of a wolf Tzuyu has seen before. It doesn’t bare its teeth or show its claws. Rather, Chaeyoung drew the wolf to be running in motion, surrounded by leaves and flowers. Its face is serene, like it wants nothing more than to just exist on Tzuyu’s lower back. 

“Well, you like dogs, right?” Chaeyoung says. “A wolf is like a dog, but more badass.”

“Do I look badass?” Tzuyu asks. She knows she’s grinning, now. She can’t help it. 

Chaeyoung nods. “You look hot.”

There’s something in Chaeyoung’s eyes, then, that Tzuyu almost doesn’t recognize. Which is strange, because she knows the look so well on herself. Fear.

But there’s no reason for Chaeyoung to be looking at Tzuyu with fear in her eyes, not after spending almost an hour drawing a tattoo on Tzuyu’s back. The look vanishes quickly, replaced by Chaeyoung’s easy confidence, and Tzuyu wonders if she imagined it. 

Either way, she flushes. “Thanks.”

 

Tzuyu doesn’t show Nayeon the wolf when she gets back to Nayeon’s place. She doesn’t know why; it’s not like it’s a real tattoo, or anything else worth hiding. But Nayeon has a tendency to make a big deal out of every situation, clinging to potential drama wherever she can find it. That trait has inspired plenty of jokes about the two of them: Nayeon acts like the youngest, and Tzuyu acts like the oldest. 

The jokes aren’t really true. Nayeon is always looking out for the other eight of them, and has a natural way of commanding everyone’s admiration and respect, Tzuyu’s included. Despite the differences in their personalities, Tzuyu looks up to Nayeon. Tzuyu’s also grateful that Nayeon never makes Tzuyu feel like a burden when they’re hanging around the apartment, and asks what Tzuyu did after the taping like she’s genuinely interested in hearing the answer.  

Really, there’s no reason for Tzuyu not to tell Nayeon about the wolf on her back. 

But she’s never been the kind of person who needs everyone to know everything. Besides, something in her likes the idea of the wolf only coming to life in Chaeyoung’s apartment, safe in the moment between them. 

 

They’re going on tour again.

It’s a shorter one, only Asian countries, but Tzuyu is already exhausted just thinking about it. She can tell some of the other members feel the same. Sana may be making her classic excited face, but she’s wringing her hands together the way she always does when she’s nervous. 

The nine of them are alone in the lounge at the company offices. Mina’s mouth is a tight, thin line. The family emergency (always referred to as just that, “the family emergency”) had left her shaken, unable to speak most of the time, let alone sing or rehearse. JYP decided it would be better for everyone if Mina didn’t participate in the February comeback, which, while definitely the right decision, led to a hellstorm of media speculation that had only just begun to cease. Even though Mina had been back for a few months and definitely seemed a lot better, she hasn’t been the same since everything happened. Tzuyu imagines embarking on a tour is the last thing she needs. 

Meanwhile, Jihyo is beaming. Performing is Jihyo’s lifeblood, and touring is one hell of an IV. Tzuyu can practically see the wheels turning in Jihyo’s head, planning all the ways she’s going to make the fans fall in love with her all over again. 

Tzuyu knows her members so well, it scares her sometimes.  

She turns to look at Chaeyoung, sitting between Momo and Dahyun as the two talk rapidly. Chaeyoung meets her eyes, and makes a face. Tzuyu makes a face back. 

“Where are you going now?” Chaeyoung asks, when they’re leaving the office. 

“Back to Nayeon’s.” Tzuyu has been meaning to give her mom a phone call, and she knows Nayeon has plans with Jeongyeon and Jihyo today, so she’ll have the apartment to herself. 

“Do you want to come over?” 

Then again, Nayeon has plans a lot. Tzuyu’ll get the apartment to herself another time. 

 

Chaeyoung bursts out laughing, almost spilling her bowl of homemade ramen. “You’re so _lame!”_

“It’s not lame to listen to our music,” Tzuyu argues, except she’s laughing too. “Ask Dahyun. She does it all the time.”

“Yeah, but I’m Gonna Be a Star? _I’m Gonna Be a Star?_ Of all the songs, Chou Tzuyu.” Chaeyoung places the ramen on the floor next to her so she can fully commit to flopping over in laughter. 

“Only when I work out!” Tzuyu whines. 

“That’s what they all say.” 

“Who’s they?”

“I don’t know. The people who listen to I’m Gonna Be a Star _by choice_ and not because they’re being tortured for information,” Chaeyoung says, face still red from laughing. “God. I still can’t believe they made us _record_ that.”

“We were kids,” Tzuyu points out. “We didn’t know any better.”

“You’re right,” Chaeyoung says. “I can’t believe they made _Jeongyeon_ record that. She should have known better.”

“What about Nayeon?”

Chaeyoung shakes her head in faux sincerity. “No taste now, no taste then.” 

They’re eating on Chaeyoung’s living room floor, and Tzuyu is surprised at how comfortable she feels, physically, but also talking to Chaeyoung. She keeps expecting it to become awkward when they bring up the past, for the fact that they used to be closer to take up too much space between them. But it doesn’t.

“You know, I used to think you didn’t like me,” Chaeyoung says. “Back in the beginning.”

Tzuyu gets that a lot. It probably has something to do with her face, and the fact that everyone seems to interpret her insecurity over speaking Korean as some kind of icy superiority complex. She is surprised to hear it from Chaeyoung, though. Chaeyoung's never treated Tzuyu any differently than she treats anyone else. It's part of the reason Tzuyu had liked her so much back in the trainee days. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. It didn’t last long, though. I remember learning you weren’t Korean and being kind of amazed, because I couldn’t imagine leaving to go train in a place where no one spoke my language. So then I wanted to get to know you. I thought you were brave.”

“Oh,” Tzuyu says. “I never got the sense you felt weird around me, even for a little bit.”

“Well, I try not to let what other people think affect me,” Chaeyoung says. “It’s a good philosophy in general. Does have a tendency to get me in trouble, though.”

Tzuyu can’t imagine what it’s like to move through the world just not caring about the constant stream of opinions, both wanted and unwanted, that they encounter every single day. She’s too attuned to it, has been since she was sixteen. She doesn’t know what it’s like to be Chaeyoung, to cut her hair and tattoo her skin and pierce her nose for the hell of it, damn what the world thinks.

Sometimes, Tzuyu feels like she spends all of her time second guessing herself. Holding everything back. 

Tzuyu’s suddenly struck by the question of why Chaeyoung has never been caught in a dating scandal. It’s a little ridiculous that _Jihyo_ was the first one to have a brush with that particular brand of controversy, when she’s always been so careful. Chaeyoung is a lot of things, but careful isn’t one of them. 

 

 

Tzuyu gets a chance to ask about it later that week, at the dance studio. She’s got a pretty good handle on their new choreography, but Chaeyoung is still struggling with the footwork and some of the transitions. When Tzuyu offers to stay late after rehearsal to help, Chaeyoung takes her up on it. 

“It’s your right leg,” Tzuyu says, as Chaeyoung goes through the moves during Mina’s part. Chaeyoung stops dancing altogether and throws her head back in exasperation. Tzuyu turns the music off.

“You’re almost there,” Tzuyu says. “I can tell.”

Chaeyoung nods. “I’m determined to get it by today. Can we take a break, though? I love Mina, but if I hear that verse one more time I’m going to lose my mind.”

They go into the hallway to refill on water. A member of one of the newer boy groups is sitting against the wall on his phone, with a slightly frustrated look on his face. 

“Hey, Kenny,” Chaeyoung says, playfully nudging the boy group member’s shin with her bare foot. “Where’re the rest of the boys?”

Kenny looks up. “Oh, hey. They’re not here because rehearsal doesn’t start for an hour. Turns out they all had the right time, and I was the one with the wrong one.” 

“An hour?” Chaeyoung laughs. “You have time to go back to the dorm, dude.” Tzuyu moves to refill their water bottles. 

“Too full of shame,” Kenny says. “I’ll deal with it when they get here.”

“You do you, I guess. Ready, Tzu?” 

Tzuyu nods, offering Chaeyoung a now-full water bottle. 

“Bye, Chaeyoung,” Kenny says.

“Later, dude.”

When they get back inside their own practice room, Tzuyu doesn’t hesitate. “Who’s he?”

“Oh, that’s Kenny. Nice guy, though definitely a bit of an idiot sometimes.”

Tzuyu feels off-balance and a bit unsure of how to proceed. She knows Chaeyoung is friends with idols in other groups, but to her knowledge, most of them are girls. Chaeyoung being comfortable enough to playfully tease a boy group member is throwing Tzuyu for a loop. 

“So you’re friends?” Tzuyu asks. 

Chaeyoung nods. “Can we get back into the dancing now?”

“Wait,” Tzuyu says. “Listen.” She racks her brain for the right words. It’s hard, when she isn’t sure what she’s even trying to say. “I want you to be careful. I know you don’t care what people think, but a dating scandal-”

“A dating scandal?” Chaeyoung interrupts, her brows rising comically high on her forehead. “You think I’m _dating_ Kenny?”

“No!” Tzuyu says, because she doesn’t know what she thinks. She just knows she worries about Chaeyoung, in the same way she worries about all the unpredictable things she loves. “Not Kenny, necessarily. But you know, male idols. One day you’ll go out with them. And you think you won’t care what happens, but a dating scandal is different.” 

“I know that, Tzuyu. But why are you even talking about dating scandals right now?” 

Tzuyu doesn’t know. She also doesn’t know why her hands are suddenly shaking, or why she can’t get Chaeyoung’s smile at Kenny out of her head. She feels a little disconnected from herself, like her mind’s going into freak-out mode and her body’s off in a completely different direction. 

“I love that you pierced your nose,” Tzuyu says, wincing as Chaeyoung’s face grows more and more confused. “I don’t know how you did it. I don’t know how you can just tune out what everyone says. But I’m also worried.”

“Because I could have a dating scandal?” Chaeyoung asks. “Am I getting this right?”

Tzuyu nods. She doesn’t know what else she can say.

“Okay,” Chaeyoung says.  “Well...you don’t have to worry about that.”  

“I know boys aren’t nose piercings,” Tzuyu says. “I _know that._ But-”

“Hey,” Chaeyoung interrupts. “You don’t have to worry about me getting into a dating scandal. I promise.”

“But-”

“It’s not going to happen.”

“But how do you _know?”_

“Tzuyu,” Chaeyoung says calmly. “Me getting into a dating scandal with a boy group member is not going to happen. Me getting into a dating scandal with _any boy_ is not going to happen.” Chaeyoung crosses her arms and rolls her shoulders back. It’s a defensive pose. Tzuyu recognizes it. She just doesn’t know why _._

And then it hits her. 

_Oh._

“Oh,” Tzuyu says. She tries to find more words. Her mouth is dry.

“Thanks for your help,” Chaeyoung says, gathering her dance bag. Her knuckles are white on her water bottle. “See you around, Tzu.”

She leaves. The sound of the practice room door slamming shut echoes around the room. Tzuyu doesn’t move for ten whole minutes. 

 

Chaeyoung doesn’t like boys. 

Chaeyoung doesn’t _like_ boys.

Chaeyoung doesn’t like boys and the more Tzuyu thinks about it, the more it makes sense, and the more she feels like an idiot. 

She wonders if any of the other members know, or if she’s the first person Chaeyoung has somewhat-told. Somewhat, because Tzuyu pretty much forced her, because Tzuyu is a horrible person. Tzuyu isn’t sure if she can be both a horrible person _and_ an idiot at the same time, but she’s pretty sure she can. 

“Tzuyu?” comes Nayeon’s voice. Tzuyu doesn’t move from where she’s lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She misses her dogs. They would know how to make her feel better at a time like this, and it’s suddenly so stupid that they’re all the way in Taiwan and she’s in Korea, laying on a bed that isn’t even hers. Her chest hurts. 

“I know you’re awake and physically able to answer me,” Nayeon says. “So I would appreciate if you would do that.”

“I’m fine,” Tzuyu says. She doesn’t bother to elaborate. 

“Well for someone who’s fine, you’re really acting like a child.”

“I am a child,” Tzuyu says, before she can hesitate. She used to say that all the time, back when it was actually true, because the other members would forget fairly often. It used to make Nayeon laugh. 

“Not anymore,” Nayeon says. “You’re literally an adult. An adult who is in my apartment. And while I am not heartless enough to threaten to kick you out, I _can_ make you listen to me complain about a myriad of people you neither know nor care about. For hours.”  

Tzuyu sits up as begrudgingly as she can. “What do you want?”

“I want you to talk to me. Why are you upset?” Nayeon asks, making her way into the room and taking a seat next to Tzuyu on the bed.

“I think Chaeyoung is mad at me.”

“Okay. Do you know why?” 

Tzuyu nods. 

“Well,” Nayeon says, “I don’t even have to know what the problem _is_ to know that everything’s going to be okay. First, because the nine of us have been through hell and back together multiple times, so we’re always going to forgive each other, no matter what. And second, because Chaeyoung clearly adores you. If she’s mad at you, it won’t be for long.”

“Really?” Tzuyu asks, and she never feels like an adult, but she hasn’t felt this much like a clueless kid in a long time.

“She looks at you like you just got back from hanging the moon,” Nayeon says. “She always has. She probably always will. So you should stop sulking and go talk to her. You two are better when you’re gentle to each other.” 

Tzuyu thinks about the fear that flashed in Chaeyoung’s eyes the day she drew on Tzuyu’s back. She thinks about all the people who have once said to her, “you’re so much nicer than I thought you’d be,” how they all assumed the truth was whatever made it easier to pull away. She thinks about how Chaeyoung was one of those people, and Tzuyu never knew, because Chaeyoung was really good at hiding it. 

They’re both proficient in being read wrong. Tzuyu can work with that. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Nayeon asks, and Tzuyu knows the question is just for her. But she thinks of Chaeyoung anyway when she says, “yes.”

 

 

When Chaeyoung opens the door, she doesn’t seem surprised to see Tzuyu on the other side, despite the first thing she says being “How did you get in the building?”

“The door man recognized me,” Tzuyu says.

Chaeyoung snorts. “I guess being 172cm and beautiful has its perks.”

“Can I come in?”  

Chaeyoung pauses, eyes trained on something behind Tzuyu. Tzuyu so badly wants Chaeyoung to look at her, but she knows it’ll have to wait. “Fine,” Chaeyoung says, stepping aside.

“I brought you these,” Tzuyu says, holding out the watercolor set. “Dahyun said you’ve been wanting them.”  
  
“I have,” Chaeyoung says. “Thanks. You didn’t have to bring me anything, though.”

“I think I did,” Tzuyu replies. “Can we sit down?”

They walk to the living room and sit on the floor, because that’s their thing. Chaeyoung picks a spot against the window. The light from the setting sun catches the tips of her blonde hair through the glass, forming a fiery halo. Tzuyu tries not to stare too much.

“So,” Tzuyu begins. She’s fully prepared to delve into the little speech she wrote in her head on the way over, but Chaeyoung interrupts.

“Do you know why I used to think you didn’t like me?”

Of all the things that could have come out of Chaeyoung’s mouth, Tzuyu isn’t prepared for that one. She shakes her head no. 

“I thought you looked like this girl who was mean to me when I was a kid,” Chaeyoung says. “She accused me of being gross and having a crush on her. I didn’t even know I liked girls back then.”

“I’m sorry that happened,” Tzuyu says. 

Chaeyoung laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “I’m sorry for projecting that onto you. It didn’t make any logical sense or anything. It was stupid. She didn’t even look that much like you.”

“Like I said, I never noticed.” 

The sun seems to creep down further in the sky, the light reflecting in a pale shade of orange throughout the room. It makes sense to Tzuyu that Chaeyoung would choose an apartment that faces the sunset. That she would put the research and thought into even doing so, to ensure she gets the most beautiful space she can. 

“I like who I am,” Chaeyoung says. “I’ve done a lot of thinking about it. But it’s not easy, you know? There’s always the fear that when someone finds out, they’re going to explode on you or never talk to you again.”

Tzuyu feels the guilt in her stomach flare up. “I’m so sorry. Really. I like who you are, too, and I’m sorry I made you think I didn’t.”

“It’s okay,” Chaeyoung says. 

“No, you don’t get it,” Tzuyu says, and she needs to say it right. Whatever it is, she needs to say it right. “I think you’re amazing. I mean, look at your nose! And this apartment. I’ve avoided buying an apartment for months because I don’t think I can handle it.”

“What do you mean, handle it?”

“Every day, I’m worried I’m going to say or do the wrong thing,” Tzuyu says. “I can’t make a decision without worrying about what the company and Nayeon and my parents and the world will think. I know I’m an adult, but I don’t feel like one. I’m not you.”

Chaeyoung stands up abruptly and heads towards the kitchen. Confused, Tzuyu follows her.  

“You need to stop doing that,” Chaeyoung says, grabbing a carton of juice from the fridge.

“Doing what?”

“Acting like I’m this fearless, invincible person. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. And you’re giving me way too much. Do you want any juice?”  
  
“No thank you,”  Tzuyu says. Chaeyoung shrugs and pours herself a glass. Tzuyu watches, feeling slightly lost. She’s standing right next to Chaeyoung, and she  doesn’t really know how she got here. It’s as if her body forgot to stop itself from getting too close. She knows she should probably make more room between them, give Chaeyoung the personal space that Tzuyu knows is so important. But she doesn’t.

“You’re so brave, Tzuyu,” Chaeyoung says. “You don’t have to get a tattoo or buy an apartment. It'll still be true."  

Chaeyoung’s kitchen is small, comparably speaking. Tzuyu has to duck her head slightly to avoid hitting the hanging plants. She hates that she’s always looking down at people, that she has to look down at Chaeyoung. She thinks it’s probably dumb to ask if Chaeyoung wants to sit on the counter, so they can talk face to face. 

She can’t bring herself to look away, or step back. She’s at the top of the precipice and she’s never been afraid of heights. 

“That’s a lot, coming from you,” Tzuyu says, and she’s aware that her voice is unsteady. “You're the bravest person I know.”

“Can I tell you something?” Chaeyoung asks. “It’s a secret.”

Tzuyu nods, leaning forward. She can see the separation of Chaeyoung’s individual eyelashes and different colors in the diamond stud, delicate and hypnotizing. 

“I’m terrified.” Chaeyoung whispers. And then she inches closer, standing up on her tiptoes, and brushes her lips against Tzuyu’s. 

Chaeyoung tastes a little like juice and a little like chapstick. Tzuyu’s heart is so loud in her chest that Chaeyoung _has_ to hear it, there’s just no way she can’t. Tzuyu continues to bend her neck, allowing the kiss to deepen. She didn’t know she wanted this, or she thought she didn’t. But at the same time, maybe she did. Maybe the thought of kissing Chaeyoung was another one of those things she kept buried and bubbling inside her. 

Everything reaches the surface, eventually.

It’s Chaeyoung who pulls away first. The fear from the time she said Tzuyu looked hot is back in her eyes, and Tzuyu knows she wasn’t kidding - she’s terrified. Tzuyu wants to grab Chaeyoung’s cheeks and reassure her that she’s fine, that they’re going to be fine, that they might even be happy. It probably doesn’t mean a lot, coming from Tzuyu, but she wants to get it out there. Except every nerve in her body feels electric and frozen at the same time, and Chaeyoung’s face is distracting, and she doesn’t even know where she would start. 

“I’m not going to apologize for kissing you,” Chaeyoung says, softly. “But if that’s not what you wanted, just say the word. I’ll never do it again.”

When Tzuyu thinks about her life, it’s pretty easy to sort everything into befores and afters. Before debuting, after debuting. Before the flag incident, after the flag incident. Standing in Chaeyoung’s kitchen, half-full glass of juice still on the counter, she’s pretty sure this is the best after she’s ever had.

“Did you mean it?” Tzuyu asks. “When you said I was brave.”

“More than anything,” Chaeyoung says.

“Okay,” Tzuyu says, running a hand through Chaeyoung’s hair before leaning down to kiss her again. _I believe you._

 

The apartment is small, but it’s in a nice building. Only a ten minute drive from Nayeon’s, and a five minute walk from Chaeyoung’s. Pets are allowed. 

“What are you going to do with this extra room?” Chaeyoung asks. “I know you love Gucci, but there’s no way he needs an entire room for himself.”

“Maybe I’ll leave it as a guest room, in case Nayeon ever needs a place to stay. I think I owe her, just a little,” Tzuyu jokes. Nayeon, along with Jeongyeon and Dahyun, had come by in the morning to help Tzuyu move in. They only made it an hour before Nayeon started to cry, which made Tzuyu cry, and then everyone was crying and hugging and very little work was getting done. 

Now, just Chaeyoung is left, squinting at a large blank wall in Tzuyu’s living room. Unlike Chaeyoung, Tzuyu chose to invest in furniture rather than decor. She doesn’t regret her decision: the faux leather couch she’s sitting on currently is incredibly comfortable. 

“What are you planning to put on here?” Chaeyoung asks, looking over her shoulder. 

“I don’t know,” Tzuyu says. “Come sit next to me.”

Chaeyoung obliges, resting her head on Tzuyu’s shoulder. “I could paint you something,” she says. “If you want me to.”

Tzuyu’s sweatpants are too long on Chaeyoung, but Chaeyoung insisted on wearing them. Her nose piercing is almost fully healed. Chaeyoung has been talking about switching the stud out for a ring, and Tzuyu keeps telling her to go for it.  When they bring up the subject, neither of them mention the company or the media, not once.

Tzuyu knows she’s in love, and also that it’s way too early to say anything. Part of being brave is being honest with herself. It’s not easy, but she practices every day. Chaeyoung has been helping. 

“Yeah,” Tzuyu says, and thinks _every part of my life is better with you in it._ “I’d like that.” 


End file.
